I’m homing now, about ten days without schooling. The pluses are I’m not gonna wake up with dizzy head because I don’t have to worry about teacher and undone assignment. The negatives are being bored and bad feeling often come because I still wanna traveling without parents.

Selalu, pertanyaan langganan tiap liburan. ‘Kakak gak mau ke medan?’ Hah males banget deh gue, liburan kemaren udah enek banget gue sama mereka haaaaaaaaaaaaaah gak seru sama sekali. Ya nangis lah, ya berantem lah, gak guna gue disana. Kalo disana gue main sama sepupu gue doang, oke. Gue jg bisa ketemu inang dean kak risa kak feysa dan kakak kakak lainnya, tapi kalo disuruh nginep dirumah nenek dan nemenin? I’m sorry maybe this sounds arrogant but hey, everyone wants their perfect holiday,right?

Gue pengen nuntasin tugas ekonomi, aduh ya Allah kenapa setiap mid-test selalu aja nilai gue anjlok, iyalah gue ngerjainnya asal jawab,soalnya kaga dibaca -__- tapi abis gini gue takut orangtua gue marah, ya mau gimana jadi remaja rajin belajar jaman sekarang itu sulit, sangat sukar.

Dan gue mau memperbagus bahasa inggris gue yang acakadut gak karuan. Berusaha terus berusaha selalu aja yang salah, hiks sedih banget gue.

And I feel kinda labeling myself just like useless. I cannot do anything to help others, I cannot do something to make parents happy, because for them, all I’m interested into is not important. But they can’t help if I really enjoy learn those subjects, can they?

Jadi inilah nasib saya saudara saudari, jadi anak yang ternyata jalan pikirannya setengah – atau sepenuhnya – tidak dihargai induknya, mau bagaimana masa depan saya? Mau maju pake rencana sendiri, takut dibilang durhaka. Mau maju pake rencana mereka, saya tidak akan bisa menjiwai, jadi nanti hasilnya bakal mentah banget.

Aduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh rasanya jadi pengen nendang pantat orang deh aaaah kesel sekali saya, kalo gini jadinya mah mau belajar juga males, berasa dikekang dan gue juga gatau bakal untuk apa ilmu akuntansi (jurusan yg mrka suruh) itu ada di otak gue, sedangkan gue pengen psikologi dan sastra, tapi bagi mereka itu tidak berguna? Kalau anda itu saya apa yang akan anda lakukan? Kabur dari rumah? Pasrah nurut? Nangis ngamuk ngamuk? Gantung diri? Apa? Apa? Apa?????????????????????

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Gue bener bener ngerasa pengen nangis,gue gatau lagi deh. Gue harap itu cuma gosip god pleaaaaaaaaaseeeeee :(:(:(

I feel not in comfort when I heard that. You’re some kind awesome face when I’m just nothing. Many issues about you and her, you and her, and her, and her, those all bothered me.

So this time is the climax, when I feel really wanna cry why there are such fuck gossips about it. I wish you aren’t about play with my feel, I wish you aren’t at acting when you’re here with me, gentleman please made me okaay 😦

“So you’re believe in that rumors?”
“…”
“You can’t reach my mind, I can’t reach yours”
“Yes”
“But I never try to lie to you, little lady”
“I wish you aren’t acting”
“I’m mad now”
“Seungh-”
“Little lady”
“….”
“Sierra?”
“Hmm I feel so mean if I can’t trust you”
“That’s my job and that’s the risk”
“It doesn’t mean I-”
“Don’t let go of my hand”
“Please stop crying,seung-”
“I really mad of you”
“tell me something”
“What else?”
“….”
“I shared everything with you but you still couldn’t trust me”
“Seunghyun”
“…”
“I just feel so worried, haunting with feel that you’ll leave me someday and I just-”
“I’ve met hundred people, but I cannot lie to you. Little lady could you see my eyes now to make sure I’m not acting?”
“…..”
“Don’t scared to me Sierra”
“I’m sorry I just–”
“Hardest thing to say is the reasons I love you, undescribeable”
“I do love you”
“No,you don’t”
“Seunghyun I’m serious hyoon don’t leave–”
“Because you won’t trust me”
“I promise”
“Why?”
“Cause I saw your eyes”
“Ehem”
“Don’t mad at me anymore Seunghyon”
“But it hurts”
“…..”
“Just crying if you want, I’m not gonna leave”

some kind knife hurts me

Posted: March 4, 2010 in Uncategorized

I know but I don’t know why
It always hurts me
I know but I won’t stop affect you
Tough I don’t have much to give to you
But somewhere I walked alone that day
I realized that you’re such a different from I usually seen on screen
Directly you’re damn humble
But I remind myself to not too deep
It just might hurt you more, just see the status, he’s celebrity and girls love him, who am I baby?

Suddenly I figured out that the way you smile
The way you talk the scent of you
Is light me, make me feel okay
You’re anxious if I weren’t next to you
But I keep reminded myself not to hope but in fact this is reaaal 🙂 🙂

You let me know without speak it out
You let me laying in your hug every time I’m not okay
You’re stroking my head till I know there’s you here
You wishpering me words when I’m sleeping until I head it clearly
“Nomu chohaeyo”

And the knife which always haunting me
Gone, never show itself again
I feel none of wounds anymore
I won’t feel dark, I’m not alone anymore
Thank you to you, a gentleman

01:03 AM , bedroom
the other step, any other way?
To carry on through the song
Melodies along the lyrics
Match my steP and heart beats
I’m fed up with silence
I need the fret of
the girl, the unique one inside my dream
Apears constantly, leave with me
I wish that’s an ingredient
To make my life worth wide

03:01 PM, coffee bean
New book, new story
After the strange bed time
I’ve been so sleepy, so
I bought new sketchbook
And other blank pages
To starting the new me, or maybe
Something called us
Then I met you here, thank you to
Coffee.

11:02 PM, common road
My decision to talk to you was never wrong
You’re alone, and frail one
Little girl I never ever dare to hurt you
Closer baby, I am guiding you
Here baby holding you, I’ll fix your illness
Singing a lullaby for the fall asleep you
First and last is just you, I wish
I keep you here, stroke againts the cold you
Darken heart, darken eyes cover up the golden little lady
here we are now, we are here share affections and you must know that forever is never be with us,
But us is represent together

when i left it all behind

Posted: February 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’ve chosen to leave everything before I’ve been abandoned
I’ve chosen to write down what I feel
Its not my problem you read it or not
I just want to working something that will be hard for me
But its better than in the end I’ll hurt more

I leave the fret me
To be the noisy, new me
I’ve decided to act like never know us
But it nice to see how far we are now
Because my life isn’t for some jerks like you

I’m typing this text, to show myself that I can be something to leave first, to walk first
It never be matter am I alone or together
In fact that I find my road with my way
It’s good to living my road like this
To not be so melodrama and so deep in love
In love is good, but good love has coming yet through me

So for the new me, welcome
I don’t care you like the new me or not, I have my own life
I ain’t to be shining star, with fancy boy and stuffs
But I’ll be something to remember in next days
Which you can’t forget, that you’ll regret to ever hurt me

Maybe I’ll hurt you back, maybe hurt you more, maybe not at all
But remember, at the end of the road, you remember whatever of everything to make you strong

So I’ve got the chance right now, you aren’t a thing to my life
You were someone, but none at all
This is not my judge, but you made me judging you like this
So baby I won’t say goodbye
Because I didn’t say hello

And I don’t have any last smile for you
Because you took it away with wind
And who are you to get my tears?
I won’t crying or sad because of you
Because in the new me,
There isn’t you in my pages

I won’t say sorry
Because I don’t feel that I’m wrong baby.

bisa tolong jelasin siapa lo?

Posted: February 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

Gue belum pernah semarah ini sama orang, marah asli marah. Kalo gue marah boongan sih sering, 5 menit udah biasa lagi.

Gue pikir kalo lo cuma ngecewain gue sih ya lo udah ahlinya lah, gue udah maklum. Lo udah expert banget buat bikin gue kecewa, buat bikin gue enek. Oke gue udah bisa diem dengan hal itu, diem bukan berarti gue maafin. ternyata lo nyakitin temen gue juga, wah ckck selamat ya lo brengsek banget.

Banyak orang yang gak peka di dunia ini, tapi kalo kebangeten kayak lo ya TOLOL BANGET YA. Gue juga ga peka tapi gue taulah dikit dikit gimana seharusnya gue bertidak. Lah elo? Udah sok polos, diem diem bae, wah apa apaan lo. Bisa tolong kejelasan status lo? Lo itu siapa dan lo itu hmm punya apa ya sampe berani dan tega kayak gitu?

Sekarang di gue tumbuh satu pikiran : gue bener bener nyesel pernah becanda sama lo. Perdana gue ngerasain kayak gini. Gila dah, beneran gatau gue kenapa gue bisa nyesel, biasanya gue tidak pernah nyesel berteman dgn siapapun, kenapa sekarang gue jadi kenal lo juga yak hmm…

Jadi lo sekarang kayak gitu yap yap hmm okelah gue gaakan pernah ganggu hidup lo lagi. Anggap aja yang gue tulis ini last farewell buat lo dari gue, sebagai yg pernah bikin hidup gue ketawa, I was so thankful, so yaaa gue gaakan nyesel gue pergi. I have no regrets to leaving, I have none to stay being friend with you, lo temukan aja temen yg lebih sabar ngadepin lo yak, yang bisa lo kecewain seenak jidat lo, gue sih enek deh.

Okeee, for epilogue, gue mendeklarasikan : I don’t know who you are. Yap gue gaakan pernah nyesel, gue janji ama diri gue sendiri karena gue yakin gue salah tempat, gue salah kenapa gue kenal lo, yang nyakitin gue nya enteng banget dan tanpa maaf dari dulu sampe detik ini. Tic tic toc, geudaero tic tic toc baby ahmurojhi ahnun chog?

Yeah actually I’m okay, nothings wrong. Kalo besok gue marah banget ya resiko untuk lo, gue gaakan pernah pura pura baik ya, gue gamau nahan marah. Lo nyakitin gue enteng banget, gue marah ke lo juga enteng kok cung. Jujur gue belum pernah semarah ini. Wanna see? Lo ajak ngomong aja gue besok, mungkin lo ngerti hahaha~

Okay, I say goodbye to my ex-friend.

HUNGRY TUESDAY

Posted: February 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

Dari pas berangkat gue udah ngidam siomay gede dua porsi, trus nyampe sini gue pengen ketoprak sama gado gado. Trus kepikiran gue ama rengginang kan enak ya krenyes krenyes gitu kriuk kriuk. Haduh sama pengen sate ayam 12 tusuk nih. Kalo gue lg di restoran ampe malem kali ya gue sante sante disini. Hmm god kenapa ini dr td pagi gue ngidam makanan bogem bogema.
Minumnya gue pengen caramellata secangkir medium, caramel java chip 2 yang large, trus tehbotol sama aqua dingin dah. Hahahaha jadi prngen nonton spy next door sama film2 lainnya bodo amat dah apaan fiilmnya pokoke guepngn nnton makan nnton makan nnton makan hahhahahahahah 🙂 🙂
Another happy plan from me today -_-

the rotten you

Posted: February 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

Asal lo tau aja ya, gue kayak gitu tuh bukan jual mahal, emang guenya aja males kayak eek deh dia,lo juga. Ahhaahahaa seneng ya tadi dia pindah ke deket lo? SE-LA-MET-DEH-YA gue sih bodo amat, gue cuma mau nulis kalo IM OKAY WITHOUT EVERY HIM AND YOU

There’s a way to me to be glad without being near both of you. Wherever you both sit its nothing compare to my own world. Now I know how rotten f*ck is your mind when I saw you this morning, but baby its not me to fix it all.

So goodbye to my ex-friend, I won’t keep you longer here, I won’t keep you around me. You can go, but never back please. It’ll someday you miss me so bad but its not me to make you happy again. And its not you to turn my world so wonderful. We never know next, like I used to say, but we never back like we used to be, because I DONT KNOW WHO ARE YOU

Yeah baby I couldn’t see any other way, I’m fed up to be kind to everyone karena pada akhirnya lo semua brengsek sih, gue males baik ke orang orang seperti kalian yayaya gue gaakan kembali so say goodbye~

I’m moving, I don’t know where will the direction take me into, but I know there must be something new, more valuable than you hmm I don’t care what you may think about me now, even you hate me, you won’t break anything in my life. Baby we all got the part we must play, and I’ve done it but I’ve done it my way, I’m living out the script of my life 🙂

I’m on my own way now, say goodbye to the fret me, would you say goodbye to the laughing me?~

bosen – 1

Posted: February 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

Orderan gue udah nyampe. Maap maap tapi masuk kategori sangat sederhana, ya maklum sih mini album. Tp posternyaaaaaaaaa wuhu ganteng gila bo suami saya 🙂 🙂
Nanti ulangan sosio, gue telat setengah jam tadi pagi, sejam lebih lama dr biasanya waktu arrival gue (saaaaaaaaaaaaaa) hahahhahaha

padat merayap, merangkak bersama

Posted: February 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ahelah di ujung bekasi aja macetnya sok kota gini, apa guna gue bangun pagi ujungnya macet macet juga pretttttttt di arah mau pertigaan ngerangkak, di arah sebaliknya ngesot lah iyadah malesin amat, pasti ini karena motor yang gamau ngalah deh di depan sana, bikin macet mobil. Trus ada truk gaban dan pick up yang gatau diri, udah tau jalan kecil kayak tusuk sate dia ngotot aja masuk aaaaaaah derita banget punya mak parnoan, gue pengen belajar nyetir aja takutnya kayak gue bakal jadi pilot -__- ah tau ah jadi ngerembet kemana mana abis gue kesel banget sialan dasar mau telat kek auah bodo, dipulangin jg gapapa gue gabakal protes, tapi gue ambil cd orderan dulu ke ajeng (kalo dia ga lupa bawa) sama dvd iris ke hazna (kalo bocahnya bawa juga) trus gue minta tugas kali (ato gausah ah) trus balik deh dirumah tidur nonton makan minum makan minum trus les palingan. Ah bodooo sekali kali dipulangin (perhalusan dari diusir) kalo ga gini kayak gaada kenangan pernah sekolah hahahaha